Impalpable Confessions – Episode 7 – Fingers of Hope

People say I’m cold. I confess; I am a heartless man. Not always; people don’t know what lies beneath me. I once went to a friend’s barbecue and it turned out to be a fragile, yet transcending moment, in the recent past of my life. I was looking at this baby and I’m not usually that obsequious but there was a sudden sense of void within my expression. Still annulled in the thought, I walked closer, approached the baby and held the gentle fingers of the baby. I closed my eyes, I don’t know why. For once, it felt like I’ve been missing something, a sense of joy emanating within but I could not describe why. It never felt like this before, not with any other baby.

I hate to say, but I think I cried. I did. Tears rolled off my eyes just before they disappeared. It was the baby’s fingers. I lay there enamored in the warmth of these beautifully delicate fingers, looking within. Babies are naturally infectious, and more often we do get succumbed to their innocence. For me, it was an imperceivable emotion. A pair of tiniest hands gifted with the most alluring fingers. The fingers were so small; barely making it’s way form the palm, round and even curvier at the base. Strangely, the fingers appeared to be all of the same size, unlike mine. They never stayed at one place, yet they never let my fingers go. I loved it. It was beautiful. Oddly enough, my friends’ eyes were locked at our inseparable souls.

I usually don’t confess easily, but sometimes when it’s intense, I cannot hide. Deep within, I knew, It was my fatherhood calling. I was missing my unborn child. For me, they were not just fingers of hope but a hope that will bring back my deepest void in my life – my child.

- a 32 yr old single man, in search of fatherhood