amsterdam and the dutch - travelogue

SEP 20:-

When I landed in Amsterdam, the customs guy told me to “enjoy”. Right ON.

I can’t stress on how great the public transport in Europe is, and my hostel, St Christopher’s Inn, was a 6 minute walk from the Central Rail station. It was a 6 minute walk to the Red Light Area as well. Since the check-in was only at 2pm, I had no place to take a shower. The free walking tour was at 11, so I had to kill some time. I went on a stroll along the narrow lanes of Amsterdam, the sight in particular was not very friendly. At 9:30 am, I see nobody on the streets, not a shop opened. For the next one hour, I spent time admiring the canals, the empty bikes parked, taking empty pictures, the cobblestone streets, the “leather” shops, the sex posters around. I came back at 11, all set to go for the “new amsterdam” free walking tour which was starting from Dam square. These tour guides are great, they punch a lot of history with humor and you meet so many interesting people through these groups. It was a 5 hr tour, we walked pretty much all of central Amsterdam –  the historic points of interest, red light area, a couple of museum (just from outside), a ton of Dutch history and a great lunch spot (the best veggie sandwiches & milk shakes I’ve ever had, I swear). In the evening, I got  to sing a dutch song at Dam Square from a local group, who literally dragged me in to sing it! (some competition).

Night: I was all set to explore the night life, after freshening up at my hostel. The hostel was great, had its own bar and stuff but it lacked the certain friendliness that the cozy hostels have. So I met this guy, who I met earlier from the group to go check out some “coffee shops.” He was a thin, pale guy from Seattle, must be 22, he had a gentle voice. He said, he “did it” a few times earlier. We went to Dampkring, the same place where Brad Pitt, George Clooney went in Oceans Twelve. OK. From here, I’m not gonna discuss much about coffee shops, but you get the point. I don’t do this stuff but I guess, “you’re in Amsterdam,” gotta try it. There’s something interesting that happened that I cannot still put together in pieces. We went coffee-shop-hopping, so in one of the shops, after a couple of “coffees,” the Seattle guy started looking into my eyes rather a little too intense. Now, I told you he had a gentle voice but I didn’t tell you that he looked a little too sweet for a guy. I’m not sure what you would do if you’re in my shoes, but I’ll tell ya, it was not the most comfortable feeling. Before I was counting my minutes on my watch, the guy was already high, he said he wasn’t feeling too well (no wonder) and had to leave. No, he did not touch my hands. Interesting “encounter”, I thought.

I was checking out the night life in Amsterdam, walked along the Red Light area, the canals in the night were pretty, and so are the 37D girls in the red neon light windows. It’s like you knock the doors, ask what you want. The rate is fixed and that includes doggy style only, and for every “extra,” you have to add a 20 Euro topping, something like the Pizza toppings. Must be good for those guys who are willing to try out the extreme.

As for me, I came back to the hostel area, a few beers. crashed in at around midnight.

SEP 21:- Woke up late, it was the museum day. I checked out the Historisch Museum, Van Gogh, Rijks Museum, Van Gogh Museum. What do I say? It’s like reading reading 10 books of history in one day. Was impressed with the paintings of Van Gogh and Rijks musuem. Specially the black and white paintings

at Rikjs. In the evening. I took the canal ride for an hour, the best part of the tour! Walking over the bridges and Canals is one thing. And swimming through the canals in a small boat is a totally different thing. Trivia time — For the 700,000 people in Amsterdam, there are more than 1 million bikes. And nobody wears a helmet. Amazing. The next stop was the Sex Museum, a must visit. You might wonder if there is fine line between pornography and erotica, but there isn’t in here. Casual conservatives might be shocked by some visuals. Beware.

Back in the hostel, I met this guy who was a cross breed of 2 ethnicities & 4 cultures. Some component of him was Indian, I guess the eyes. Few bars and dinner that night, I came back again at midnight. The Dutch really don’t have their cuisine, but there are a ton of Turkish restaurants around.

SEP 22:-

It was a day off, to the Dutch villages, away from the city of Amsterdam. I took a tour to see the Cheese factories with the picturesque views of the Windmills in the background, then to the world famous Delftware of Netherlands. The wooden shoes that they make is particularly interesting, so is the craftsmanship of the delftware. The next stop was a picture perfect village/harbor called Volendam. Walking through the houses, made me wanna settle in here, marry a dutch woman, father a dutch child, smoke cannabis and live happily ever after … yawn yawn …

Lunch at the harbor; luckily I’ve been getting veggie food everywhere. I met this lovely Indian woman in the tour, wasn’t quite sure what her age was until she told me she was a top dermatologist in India. I took some free advice for my skin care without any further delay.  Next stop was the miniature park — Madurodam which comprises of the most important landmarks in Netherlands. The archiutecture of these “miniature” buildings and things were flawless as you can see in my album. Wondering how many Bollywood and Regional films were shot here.

Came back by around 7pm that day and was alone for the night. There are two things most single guys would like to experience if they’re in Amsterdam — Coffee shops & Live Sex Shows and for those who need a “round trip’, a third thing — walking into the Red-Neon light doors. I was curious enough to check out the Live Sex show at Cassa Russo, the best in town. Unlike most of you, that might think its pornographic and “cheap,” well not really. I was pleasantly surprised by the theatrical performances by the “artists.” 8 performances of five minutes each, Broadway style seating, there was humor, some plays and the legendary — “banana show.” In that show, they call for volunteers (some 5 of them). The artist who is naked, lies down on the floor and has a banana in her … you got it right. Now, its the turn of the volunteers to come one by one and “eat” the banana little by little. The last guy has the best bite of his life. I think my show was a litte different, because of the crowd. The audience was entirely filled with 2 buses of Chinatown and I was the only brown man sitting there. There was this thin “spectacular” Chinese dude who volunteered for pretty much everything, of course, including the banana show. Poor guy was struggling to keep his hard-on-invisible-to-the-audience. Everybody was cheering for him to “go” as if he was the quarterback of a Football team. For the banana show, the performers placed him in the end of the line and when it was turn to “eat” the banana — guess what. He dived in full zoom, only to find his spectacles stuck IN … you guessed it again. I’ve never laughed like that in my life.

Back to the hostel in the bar, no beers but good sleep.

Sep 23:- Last day in Amsterdam, I kept the best museum for the last — Anne Frank’s house. Anybody who has read her published diary, will realize the pain that this Jewish family has undergone during WWII. This is one of the best museums I’ve seen, not for the grandeur of it, but the way they’ve preserved every detailed of the house from the 40s. Sometimes you learn so much history, and for the first time you think of you social teacher from high school. I walked around the shopping district of Amsterdam, including the open flea market, Albert Cyupmarkt -  the biggest of it’s kind. One thing I have to tell you is the public transport in Amsterdam. You have the subways. But in the city you have trams too and there are thousands of bikes, and thousands of pedestrians, a few cars too — all on the same road. Believe it or not, that’s how things work here and it does, unlike any other place I’ve seen. A step on the wrong side, you could be run over by a tram, but they say, its relatively safe.

The last two stops were particularly interesting. The Hashish Marihuana Museum was one. I was startled by some facts I learned in this museum, so many that its hard to chronicle here. And there was this guy in the museum, he knew so much of the world, I tell you. From Stephen Hawking’s Radiation, Big Bang theory, Relegions, Santa Claus, Darwin, Electrons, Atoms & Molecules, Philospopher’s stone to … I don’t remember. The half an hour interview was like a roller coaster ride. I was so impressed by him, that I took his picture. The last stop before I took the train was Condomerie, the world’s first (possibly one of the largest) speciality condom store. They have over 600 condom varieties and when I entered to buy some, the woman (all sales rep were women) asked me the first question — “Do you know your size.“

Now, it did take a while to understand how the dutch measure their … in four different points of “reference.” I ended up buying some innovative-perfect-fit condoms.

Off to Brussels.

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